The Success Dressed in Amish Clothing

Power heels, laptops, Blackberries, expensive haircuts – these are probably the objects that you assign to success. Success in America means material wealth and visible happiness. We love our convenience and our shiny technology. I don't know about you, but I can't even write a term paper without a Starbucks, a texting conversation with a best friend and a good pop track playing in my earbuds attached to my attractive netbook.

Meet Amos Miller, the opposite of your stereotypical, "type A" businessman. Amos Miller doesn't own a cell phone, he doesn't drive a car, he doesn't have a Web site and he runs a $1.8 million business known as Miller Farm. Amos is Amish, which means that his business challenges the moral standards abided to by his community. His farm specializes in the "nutrient-dense food" that is giving organic food a run for their money. Amos hires non-Amish drivers to take his food to national food conventions and trade shows where he advertises this unique idea of "purity in food." Orders come in on the only farm landline and are shipped out using FedEx.

Community elders are concerned with the amount of profit Amos is receiving because it corrupts the simplicity of their lives. Amos admits that he hates the city and prefers the comfort of his farm. For the complete story, please read his story in Businessweek.

I actually think this is a more complex story that goes much deeper than Businessweek went. Here is a man who is benefiting from the supply/demand magic of a capitalistic society but his religion shuns the evils of wealth. In the story, Amos admits to owning a generator and a phone which is modern technology (though of course not as advanced as some modern farms) but he doesn't have a computer, an email address or other modern novelties.

The Amish have a very exclusive community that centers on simplicity but they run rather suspiciously profitable ventures. Do you see the inconsistencies? Think about Amish quilts. My grandma LOVES Amish quilts and buys one every time she goes back east. These quilts are made by people who don't want anything to do with the modern world, but they can sell those pretty blankets for over $500 a piece to that "evil" market! I am not saying this is wrong, but I just think the Amish will have to eventually make a decision whether or not to court the curious American public with their wholesome goods.

A note on the "nutrient-dense-going-green-organic-recycle-everything" movement. Today, I went to the grocery store. I admit that I am rather easily influenced by attractive packaging and I was drawn to a box of "peanut-butter crèmes." (This was a cutesy way of saying peanut-butter cookies.) The box was very organic-looking and promised the most natural and healthy experience. It was made of 100% recycled materials and the box was probably much more nutritious than the cookies themselves. Well, I bought the cookies and took them home. After opening this pretty box that was saving the world and turning it green and whatever, I found a plastic-and-foil-wrapped cookie sleeve inside. They may have saved the planet with the box, but the clunky inside container is going to pollute some landfill after I finish these rather ordinary-tasting "crèmes." I realize we are "taking it one step at a time" (which is how the box put it) but I just thought that there was irony in the whole situation.

The Ironic Lifestyle of the American College Student

He had in his pocket exactly $23. This was the leftovers from a birthday card from grandma and a carefully saved monthly budgeted allowance from mom and dad. Today was Monday and he was counting on a paycheck from a local coffee shop to come in on Friday. However, this poor fellow was in college. Money seemed to seep out of his fingers like soda from a cheap Seven-eleven cup left in his car all week.

Monday came and went and he felt victorious, not one penny spent.

Tuesday, however, there was a birthday party in one of the dorm lounges. He was required to buy a card, balloons and steamers. Twelve dollars later, there was a nice celebration of a fellow collegian turning a rather insignificant age of 19, completed with a rather painful off-key rendition of "Happy Birthday." The dozen, 12 in. - diameter balloons, $1 greeting card that said "Happy Birthday, Punk!" and bright red streamers made for a nice touch.

Wednesday was started off with a balance of $11 crumpled bills in his pocket and with the week half over, this college student felt rather proud of his saving abilities. However, his buddies begged him to go on a late-night food run which cost him $5.78. The brother-bonding was intense and there was much fist-bumping, slaps on the back and grandiose tales of skateboard tricks and basketball feats and of course girls. Night well worth the money invested. Homework and fast food were finished around 3 a.m.

Five hours later, Thursday came with a food hangover and an early morning test in American Literature. The test time was spent trying to muffle the growling of an angered stomach and half-hearted answers to questions about poets and novelists that didn't directly impact the life or thoughts of this average student.

Thursday's starting balance was $5.22 and he was sure that he could make it until Friday's glorious delivery of a $72 paycheck. However, night came and the guys were going to the video store. Entertainment was calling, and the call of the newest x-box shoot 'em up game was rather tempting. All homework for the week had been completed so it was time to celebrate the near-end of another week.

But wait! The rental for the game was $7! Should he forfeit the privilege of beating seven levels of a critically acclaimed game of epic proportions? Then he realized that he had $3.25 in laundry quarters. Sniffing his t-shirt, he winced a little. He made his decision. The battle against aliens and robots should not be ignored, and he could always spray on some cologne to mask his scent for one more week. Add the $3.25 to the previous balance of $5.22 and he was $8.47 rich! He even had money left over for a $0.80 vending machine pop-tart snack! Bonus!

Friday arrived with a whopping $0.67 balance. He nervously approached his mailbox and peeked inside. There it was, in all it's glory. Another week had been survived on a college kid's budget.

How to deal with smart people

Have you ever had this happen? You stated your opinion, and it doesn't matter the subject-because let's face it- smart people know everything about everything. The next words out of smart person's mouth are "Well, actually..." You're doomed. Their electrons or neutrons (probably some mutant jet fuel thown in there for good measure) is firing through their brain and that thing isn't going to power down for anything.

My GPA is in the mid 3.0 range. Teachers don't kiss the ground upon which I walk, and I don't get comments like "OMG, you soooooo smart!!!" Usually, I am the one saying that to some nerd who fixed my computer.

That being said, I have close friends whose IQs are astronomically high. They read computer programming books for fun, and their words are never shorter than five syllables. Most of their conversations are peppered with words that end in "ism," "ology," and "phobia" - and that not when they talk in "code." You know CSS, HTML, FTP which works with works with 3.4 modem although the 4.6 version is going to be available soon. blah blah blah. I had one friend who took a class at UCLA that I seriously could not pronounce for the life of me- and of course he got an A.

How do we mere mortals deal with such brilliance? Some people try to rationalize that they have "street" smarts. But really? What street smarts do I actually have? I can tie my shoes so they don't come untied....it's called a double knot. I can turn on the microwave. I can do an improv dance to "Break Your Heart" by Taio Cruz. I can put on lip gloss.

Let's face it, I can get along just fine in society, but I go about my day rather unnoticed, unlike all of my genius friends who are bombarded with tutoring requests and computer questions. My "street smarts" of being able to check my oil or text at 60 characters a minute won't get me to top of "Mount Smart" and I am thinking that I need to even the playing field.

I have compiled a list of things we "dummies" can use to try to relate and balance this vicious circle of feeling stupid every time our smart friend opens their mouth.

1. Use the word "theoretically" as much as possible. If you say that something is "just in theory" then how can they contradict you. Practically anything can be a theory!!! Science is made of theories and that seems to be working out for them. In theory, anything could work at some point/situation.

2. Any time one of your "smart" friends opens their mouth and says "well actually" and you brace yourself for a 30-minute explanation of why you actually do not exist, and you are a figment of your imagination because you are just an image of the real thing. And Plato, cave, fire, and Augustine, and Socrates, and ism, phobia, ology. Physics, Biology, Anthropomorphism.

Remember, you now have time to go over what you are going to do tonight for dinner and what show you are going to watch after you listen to your new CD. Your friend is actually helping you organize your day. Be thankful.

Kant, Decartes, doubt, evolution, peppered moths....... Hey now you can figure out what you will wear tomorrow.

3. If your friend says something and it sounds smart, but you don't actually know what they just said....ask it back as a philosophical question.

"Freud said that every person struggles with their id, ego, and super-ego."
"So what you are saying is that to Freud, every person is struggling to be who they really are?"

"Well actually......mother, love, father, child, anal, stages blah blah blah."
"So what you are saying is that we have a distorted relationship with others because we have primitive instincts?"

Notice, we haven't said anything they haven't already said, but we feel like we are contributing to the conversation.

I could go on, but I don't want to sound too smart. Remember, smart people are to be dealt with gentleness because they are the ones who will do our taxes, sell our stock, and fix our computers. We love smart people, even if we never understand a word they say.

Excuse me, I must go develop some more "street smarts," like how to zap a hot pocket in the microwave.

Zombie grammar in the workplace

"Lol" "Brb" "Thx" "Cya" We have become a society of acronyms and abbreviations. Back when IMing first came out, parents were outraged by the secret codes their teenagers were using to communicate to their friends. Now, ten years later, those kids-turned-parents are texting their kids to tell them where to meet them.

Communication has become mass forwarded jokes on e-mails and texts and little thought is put into everyday messages. Typos and abbreviated syntax has become a tolerated form of "fast talk." We think in facebook status updates. "Emily is wanting some ice cream." "Emily found no ice cream in the freezer." "Emily is going to the store, cya lata." How will this stream of consciousness culture affect business transactions?

I edit press releases submitted to a small newspaper. Press/News releases supposedly written by professional men and women are full of grammatical errors that a fourth grader could point out. The vocabulary is slang and remedial and misspellings are rampant. When I open a press release and see the opening sentence is four lines long, I wonder what has happened to the Adults of America? Forget the youth, they never could spell anyways. Now adults are being infected by this plague of dead syntax.

The solution? Read an AP stylebook, diagram a sentence, check that sentence! People have become lazy in their language, and language is the most important aspect in any culture. Lose the richness of a language and watch a bunch of zombies gnaw their dangling prepositions and split infinitives with emotionless passion. When language in any context becomes sloppy, it threatens the integrity of the people who use it.

Business 101: Treat Recessions like a test, not a final

Signs of the Recession:
1. Spam sales have rocketed.
2. Instead of visiting a water park, people just run through their sprinklers.
3. Vacations just become "staycations"
4. People switch from their "super duper five dollar mochas" to plain ol' drip coffee.
5. Instead of balancing one job, people balance three part time ones.
6. Anything that needs to be sold has to "go on sale" just to be noticed.
7. People have time to read my blog, because they can't afford to go to the movies.

Okay, I love capitalism. It produces better products and better customer service. It works, however the downside of capitalism is it depends on the feelings and emotions of a fickle public. In essence, business is built on confidence in a world of "low self-esteem." If you want the economy to get better, hire a psychologist to listen to it's problems while lounging on a couch n a dark room. I realize that is a very general rationality, but at the simplest level, it's true.


To support my title "Treat recessions like a test not a final," I must explain I am a senior business major at one of the top business schools in America. I know all about studying, cramming, and "test regurgitation." Recessions may in the words of my fellow students "suck," but believe me, it's not impossible if you took notes, studied, and did late night runs to starbucks. Recessions only "suck" to those who didn't even crack the textbook covers until the night before. If a business manager is just trying to "pass the test" he may only be allowing the company to be surviving at a C average rather than focusing on the desired 4.0 GPA long term plan.

Capitalism is especially loveable during the peak period of growth and stablity, but the trough period of the cycle can be health to help bring businesses back to reality and lean up the expense accounts. It's pretty easy to start a business during a flourishing time of the economy, but when times are hard, only the smart and savvy survive. Capitalism is based on materialism and and recessions teach us to not just buy for convenience or happiness. Recessions teach us how to buy to survive.

Don't just live for the survival of tomorrow, because if recessions are just another test in business 101, then there are still more tests to come and more material to cover. Study for the long term grade in the class (hopefully getting that coveted 4.0 GPA) instead of striving to just pass the test.

Stay strong my fellow economic students, the night is coming to an end and the test is in the morning. Only those who drank the most coffee, did the practice problems, and retyped their notes will be able to do more than make words with the mulitple choice questions ( You know like, "cab", "bad", "dad")