Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Memos and working hard....or hardly working: The Double Feature

I have violated the cardnal rule of blogging: frequent updates. I have failed all five of my readers. I am sorry. To show repentance, I am writing a double feature.

Blog post that should have been posted last week: The Coffee Memo

There are two kinds of people: people who care about stupid things and must make the biggest deal about said insignificant stupidity and people who blog about those people. Being the blogger, I just wait for people to flip out over things that are about as important as a week-old newspaper. Fortunately, I never have to wait long.

Last Friday, someone at work snapped emotionally and decided to declare to the world through masking tape messages how they felt. I wish I had taken a picture, but here is where my writing skills will be put to the test. Allow me to describe what happened.

We have a "fancy" coffee pot at work. Instead of having to brew a six-cup pot of coffee and forcing all 15 people in my office to drink the same kind of coffee, management bought a nifty coffee machine. This coffee machine brews individual cups of coffee. A person merely chooses the kind of roast/flavor they like and inserts the single serving "pod" at the top. About two minutes later - bam, their customized brew is ready to go. Awesome, right? (because really, forcing people to drink the same kind of coffee should be against the Geneva Convention - I might have to work with these people but I shouldn't have to like their coffee too!!!! But I digress....)

However. This is where people become passionate activists. After making coffee, there is a 5 second procedure commonly known as "removing-your-pod-of-used-grounds-before-leaving-the-coffee-station." The trash can is about 4 feet from the coffee pot and this task should be relatively simple. But hey, we are paid to work, not throw away coffee pods!!!

I confess - I have been known to leave my coffee pod in. I'm sorry. I was too wrapped up in the debate of whose weekend was more fun to remember to take out my favorite Kenyan Bold AA pod.

Apparently, this "unact" of leaving in coffee pods kept ruining someone's day. They were tired of being people's maids. So they wrote a memo....on masking tape.....on the coffee machine.

Because masking tape was not exactly designed for business memos the message was chopped up on about ten different strips.....that ryhmed. The message itself made absolutely no sense, and the only part I can remember distinctly was and I quote, "He who wills it, kills it." I have no idea what that has to do with coffee pods....but I got the message.

The rest was sort of broke up like this:
Strip of tape #1: Whoever keeps leaving pods
Strip of tape #2: Must know that I don't nods
Strip of tape # 3: Because I have to pick up after you.
Strip of tape # 4: Use the coffee but don't make me blue
Strip of tape #5: Because everyone uses coffee not just you.
Strip of tape $ 6: He who wills it, kills it. (once again I have no idea how that related to the whole "coffee conundrum")

I wish that they had taught "Masking Tape Memo-writing" in business school, I think it's a very effective means of communication. I have mended my ways, I no long leave my "pods" in the machine. Lesson learned. Masking tape memo: 1 Me: 0.

Blog post for this week: "Working Hard or hardly working"

I worked the hardest I have ever worked in my life today...pretending to work. Now, to any future/present employers who I am sure read my blogs regularly - allow me to defend myself: I am a very hard worker. I love being so busy and working on so many projects that the day flies by. I like to take pride in my work and I enjoy feeling accomplished as my head hits the pillow every night.

There. That was my disclaimer so I won't get fired. Moving on.

The hard part was - there was absolutely NO work today. I sat at my desk and pretended to work. I even went to my manager and confessed the lack of work that I had, and I was instructed to go back to my desk and "look busy."

The problem is...I work at the most visible desk in the office. So...I can't just goof around, I have to look busy.

So. I watched shark attack videos for 2 hours, I read every news article published today on CNN, LA Times, NY Times, Tech Report, I looked up the next smartphone I want, and I watch a lion hug a human (on Youtube, not in the office). As a counter-being-fired measure, I created a word document to write random sentences in. If the owner of the company walked by....I keyed up that document and wrote stuff like, "....and therefore sales should be expected to increase by 56 percent if we continue to streamline the economics of the quicksanded supply and demand of the target market."

It worked. No one got mad at me all day. But man, I worked hard. I ran out of shark clips, news articles, and random sentences to type by about 3 - and I was told to stay until at least 4. So....I had to entertain myself for an entire hour - after already exhausting the internet. It was hard work being that bored.

What do you guys do when you get bored at work? I need suggestions for tomorrow.

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